Last Post for the “Well, Fucks”

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Well all is well that ends well. It has been a long day today. Long. Long days since it  has been so incredibly slow at work. Things have been so weird. I mean the universe must be laffing its ass off at life here around these parts.

I am still sorting the vinyl. Literally SORTING not even started catagorizing them within their genre. It has been my saving grace, Vinyl. I ordered a few new DooWop 45’s one is the Jive Five, ” My True Story,” and ” What Time is It” … ( see the video below with both songs) which are such a great songs.

 

It seems like the only things I can get behind lately, I guess because the blues is just too sad, and DooWop the music echos in your head and lingers in your heart. Seems more healing…I guess. I don’t know. I will just keep typing and sorting vinyl until I am disracted enough to feel better. With work so slow, I have WAY too much time to think. When I was at the other shop, it was so slammed, I just had so much to do, now I don’t know what to do with myself.

Anyway, dare not go into anything from the previous Well, Fucks posts, I think that it is and should be game over. I think that I need to just…. keep Vinyl-ing and listening to DooWop and writing and reading…working and..well, Rockin with the universe and whatever it has in store for me!

 

 

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Well, Fuck Pt 4.

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Well Shit.

Now he’s coming over tomorrow. I sound like I am in High School when really I am a mid 40’s, Obviously smitten crazy person.

So. were going to listen to records, which is usually  stare at each other and talk in code…

I swear on everything holy, if he sees this I won’t know what to say…or maybe like Jake in the Blues Brothers:

I ran out of gas! I got a flat tire! I didn’t have change for cab fare! I lost my tux at the cleaners! I locked my keys in the car! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD

Would it be so horrible, wait, wait..wait.. Lemme think about this a sec…

Yes,  Yes it would be horrible. But then there’s wishing and hoping”..it would be all faboo. Sigh, Oh Dusty…Do I Really Show Him That I Care? #mortified

Well, Fuck. Till Tomorrow.

Update: Rescheduled.

Well, Fuck Pt.3

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“Hello I Must Be Going,”  a relateable theme, and film  in my life.

What a fucking week. What a weekend! I threw my back out, breathing.

You know, just being middle-aged you throw your back out for no reason at all. So I have been keeping busy and keeping a distance, which has been really rough because, “so and so,” has had a rough weekend too… you know I want to be there and make sure all is copasetic and all that… but I gotta be okay too.

So, I shelp my teenage son with me to go crate-digging in the buck-bins at a nearby record store, and I anticipated I would be sneezing and coughing from dust, the remainder of the weekend (which I have,) but it was worth it with all the scores I found on vinyl, wow. But that is for an entirely other blog.

I have kept my distance, yet so has he — I am sure for his own reasons ( work, life, hangovers, stuff) but for me, for now, he knows nothing.

Like NOTHING.

I have concluded that I wish him love and happiness, and I know he will be ok through all he has been going through the past almost 9 months we have been talking and texting. Meanwhile, well I accidentally  fell in, well I.. just stumbled into really caring about him . so very, very much…I just have no words.

Lyrics- yes, many many lyrics. But words. Very different.

So ….yeah I have been trying to keep very….. very busy. I still have all the records out and divided up from what, 3 weeks ago when we were spinning wax on late winter’s night.

So I thought I will keep them out and divide them  up into genre. So I came up with these: ( I have to go into this shit, as I must stay distracted… I can’t just think about how things  would possibly all blow up in my face, or won’t work out…or just what a great person he is…when he meets someone he really does want to date… I gotta just stay busy- so here I am, over here watch me staying busy!) That reminds me of a Jerky Boys call, with Jack Tors. ” Watch Me Spin, Watch Me go!”

I  digress….Records..OK!- Genres include- 40’s – 50’s – then 60’s ( singer-songwriters/ bands), 70’s ( Sub: Singer-Songwriters/ Bands) 80’s ( Sub: pop/rock/punk), Comedy, Spoken Word ( for all my McKuen), Novelty and Compilations. There it is–and in the midst…of it all yeah my back goes out and I am not stepping around thousands of records half divided up into piles around my floor. I mean this is a good thing, I think it almost is a blessing in disguise, I say this because It gives me something to do- and…

Dammit he’s texing.

Of course I answer in two seconds because I am nuts for the fucker. Me eating cream cheese out of a container some some stupid mini spoon( bless the Ketogenic lifestyle) and writing this saving grace blog.

Hi Hi.. he writes.

Hey Hey Hey, I respond.

*Crickets*

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No, I did not eat this entire container. But my heart won’t let my stomach, stomach much else but gin martinis with large olives ( too many carbs!) and well, this cream cheese. Adulting at it’s finest.

Ok then; SO… the records are left so it will give me something to focus on and plan to do after work this week. I am back to the long commute tomorrow. I don’t mind it so much, as it gives me time to cry in the car,  listen to music and get centered before work, honestly, I have a lot going on in my life besides this, and a lot more shit to deal with so, trust me — I am not all weeping-willowy over this shit, i just hear a song sometimes, alot of the time that reminds me of him. I could finish this playlist that I started from Well Fuck Part 1. But.. Hm.

So I am taking a Facebook break. Yeah… It’s like going to the social media mikvah.

That was damn funny. Social Media Mikvah. HA!  I just thought of that…!

So, yeah ( and he still hasnt responded back, so I write and continue…) I took the FB break and start my commute– I am supposed to go see George Thoroughgood next Saturday, which should be fun, but the company will be rough since my mind will be elsewhere.

I know, I know, I should just go and enjoy- but the way I am feeling it isn’t so easy… and he tells me that he is just ” a mess ” I feel awful and want to help in the mean time I can’t go telling him how I feel. No way, never. It is like in the movie “Love Actually,” when  the guy from The Walking Dead visits Kiera Knightley and after which he says “Enough…” I can’t do it to me, or him…. and if he knew I would be mortified. COMPLETELY.

But, then again… you never know. It would be healthy for him to move on. But no matter how great a person, I may think I would be for him, If he aint ready- well,  “A Twat is a twat and that is that” as George Carlin would say.

But I am having an interesting conversation about my simplistic, even mimimlistic responses in a text messages by a pseudo-suitor, or at least wants to be and they are expressing  how ” I don’t let people get to know me.”

Well shit, my brain is kinda occupied at the moment… but they did say “how is a common layperson supposed to get to know you, as you are quite an uncommon creature” Which I, personally, thought was flattering. But the way I a feeling, flattery will get no one anywhere…

These entries are so goddammed scattered which is so far from who I have become in the past six years.

Me: Funny, but  a ittle stoic in the workplace, results and action driven, goal-oriented, OVERLY organized at work, and pretty much at home ( except for my record collection and hair products) other than that- I am pretty simplistic and naturally a happy person.

So this other text is going on and, stil; crickets from ” so and so.”.. so I have emersed myself into a text convo bout Sacco and Vanetti and modern-day, anti-authoritarian concepts and modern day Anarchy and the crossover on todays “trend,” of Minimalism.That morphed into a conversation about Radiohead’s “OK Computer,” vs ” KID A.” Sigh. Talk about “let down and hanging around – crushed like a bug on the ground.”

Really? When I wish Sir So and So , would just come over and kiss me hard ( Kiss me Hard, Crybaby Kiss Me Hard!) and stare into my eyes with his awesome eyes and just lay here and watch TV, and just be. I mean every time he talks to me or smiles at me, I just…am so screwed arent I? I am screwed.

I gotta go to bed,  I thought this post would have some form of resolve of.. ” I am done and moving on.” You heart really does do the choosing.

My stomach hurts from the cream cheese. I am getting  diet coke and going to bed.

Song Pairing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdhikXRlWB4

Movie Scene Paring  ( the “Enough” Scene ) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7u6bMBlCXw

Good Night. zzzzz.