I Just Wanna…. Stop!

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Well. It is even worse. Limited communicado. Or hardly any since that awkward night.

Not awkward for me anyway, I think it was for him. But who CARES.  I mean WHO REALLY CARES. What do they say about pizza and that stuff.. It can’t be all that bad. Again, I am assuming this because well… I have not said how I feel. EVER to him.

We don’t even text that much anymore….”It’s so funny, that we don’t teeeeeext anymore, ” as [Sir] Cliff Richard would “say ” (Isn’t he a “sir?” Feh. It doesn’t matter) Anyway, I am still pretty crazy for Mr. So & So.

I will gladly gladly take the texts he throws my way, Yes I am stupid I care that much. But affection and stupidity go hand in hand as Connie Francis would say…. I mean we chat and what not but I feel * and I mean this sincerely * that he does not really need me anymore. I know he had a lot of healing to do, and I am glad he is getting on the other side of that shit, but it does not change the fact that….

I… just wanna STOP and tell ya how I feel about cha’babe.. I just wanna STOP…the world aint right without ya babe, I just wanna STOP… fo’ your loveeee.

So I have been writing this blog for three days because of chronic interruption. And it is hard to get my feelings across the way I want them to. I have been waking in the morning really feeling emotional, it has been rough — biting my tounge till it bleeds not to say a word about how i feel. I mean it isnt some thing like ” it got physical and now I feel some attachment…” not at all. I felt this way — way before and I don’t feel it going away anytime soon. What is it, I mean can you treat these kinds of feelings like some kind of disorder that just sticks around. I am trying to think of it that way. I have been having some ROUGH mornings, but songs like this wont help… ( Don’t mind me and my love for  Frankie Valli and the 4 Seasons )

But ugh, it gives me the feels because Mr So and So is SOOOOOO not avaliable and that is one the key elements in me not wanting to get tooooo close but I can’t stay away at the same time, It makes it so hard. I want to ask him so any times to come over, to have dinner to just… I don’t know… I just dont know.

I think I have landed in the friendzone for good.

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