Hello, I Must Be Going

There’s an old joke.Two elderly women are at a Catskills mountain resort, and one of ’em says: “Boy, the food at this place is really terrible.” The other one says, “Yeah, I know, and such … small portions.” Well, that’s essentially how I feel about life. Full of loneliness and misery and suffering and unhappiness, and it’s all over much too quickly.The-the other important joke for me is one that’s, usually attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think it appears originally in Freud’s wit and its relation to the unconscious.
And it goes like this-I’m paraphrasing: “I would never wanna belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member.” That’s the key joke of my adult life in terms of my relationships with people.Lately the strangest things have been going through my mind, I guess I’m going through a phase or something, I don’t know. I tend to spend more time on my own, I guess that’s about the worst you can say about me. I think I’m gonna get better as I get older, you know? I think I’m gonna be the-lithe
vegan yoga type, you know, as opposed to say the obnoxious bitter hormonal types with bad teeth, for instance, you know? ‘Less I’m neither of those
two.
Unless I’m one of those women who wander the casinos with red lipstick bleeding into the cracks of her lips with an oxygen tank, Las Vegas promotional gift bag screaming about socialism.*
Its been, in short, a long three months.
I have seem to have come out of a hibernation, of sorts.
That corner of the couch I’ve confined myself to in the past two years.​ Like the cats spot on a window sill. They’re home, they sniff around and find a safe spot and stay there- till they die. Pretty much, that’s it. I mean, how many times have you gone to a friend’s house that have pets and they point out:
“That’s Mildred’s favorite spot over there in the sun” or “We redecorated the bedroom and Barney has his own bed” –you look over and there is Barney; laying lavishly sprawled out. He’s going no where, that asshole dog will die in that bed ten years from now, because he doesn’t know better.
That cat will get into the same routine sitting in the sill, drinking water, standing there meaninglessly, licking her haunches with her foot in the air; look around, sit on the fucking window sill and– die.
That’s pretty much what I resolved to do when I moved into this apartment. I had come from a rough, tarred-and-feathered, seven years of pure abuse and exhaustion –and dammit… I am still fucking tired.
But I have to say, I have put myself out there to meet “people” lately– and I don’t mean date… I just mean to get out and socialize —and it’s sucked (sometimes).
Why?  People are emotional vampires. They want to suck the advice out of you until you become this emotional black hole-of-an-friend, and there is nothing left.
They all go all “NANCY ” on you. Who is Nancy?
WELL.
Nancy is this Mrs Kravitz’s  demon seed daughter-of -a- neighbor I used to have;  that if I ever heard the words “How are you?” come out of her mouth, I would die of shock.
She is one of the most selfish, self-centered pathological women I have ever met.   Lately, I have run into more, “Nancy’s”…what is with the neurotic, crazy, control freaky people lately? In a world spinning out of control you would think at least you have some daily self control over your own life, intrinsically.
I have to say, I have a huge radar for these types and usually get a head start of a run before I am affected.With crazy Nancy, I wouldn’t leave my old house before doing a “Nancy Check” outside.
Coming home I’d drive the block clearing the area like the secret service.. and dammit if your timing is shit and she’s walking out while you are pulling up,nothing could help you now.
Yet, after a while I learned to walk straight by her, while she jabbered on mid-sentence about how bad her vagina smells, or how she would run ( full speed) after you with 4×6 photos of her from the 2004 porn convention ( this was in 2009…) and she lied about having cancer..WHO LIES ABOUT CANCER?So after I moved out of the “other house” into my “own place” people would ask me to come out with them and join them to do things; fun things, social things…. and I just couldn’t.I was happy being Mildred the dog or Fifi or whatever- the -hell- cat would do and sit and lick my wounds from a crap ass seven years, shitty neighbors and backstabbing people … ” friends” that just wanted their hair done or marketing advice.
I am lucky I have a handful of friends that actually care and who see that I am more than just a commodity or emotional black hole. Fuuuuuck that.Similar to Amy Linsky, the character in the film “Hello I Must Be Going.” (with actress that has the funnest name to say ever:. Melanie Lynskey-say it 10x fast)Lynskey plays a woman who just is happy in her crap-ass world of couches and 80’s sitcoms, and wallowing in social disappointment until.. Well, just see the movie.( I have, 200000 times. So sue me, its a “go to”)
Melanie Lynskey in "Hello I Must Be Going"
So, lately I took steps to move off the couch, besides for school, Max and my plethora of mandatory dr’s appointments.
I  have tried jumping off that proverbial cat’s window sill, but ya know it’s sounding pretty good to go sit  back in the sun for a while…It kinda reminds me of that old joke, you know,  this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doc,  my brother’s crazy. He thinks he’s a chicken.” And, the doctor says, “Well, why don’t you turn him in?” And the guy says, “I would, but I need the eggs.” Well, I guess that’s pretty much how how I feel about getting back out there. You know, people,  they’re totally irrational and crazy and absurd and … but,I guess we keep goin’ through it because most of us need the eggs.*

Again, in the words of, the late great Groucho Marx…

Hello I Must Be Going….

(Captain Spaulding:)
Hello, I must be going.
I cannot stay,
I came to say
I must be going.
I’m glad I came
but just the same
I must be going, La-La.

Mrs. Rittenhouse:
For my sake you must stay,
for if you go away,
you’ll spoil this party
I am throwing.

Captain Spaulding:
I’ll stay a week or two
I’ll stay the summer through,
but I am telling you,
I must be going.


Blog Song Pairing :
“Hello, I Must Be Going”  by Groucho Marx (and Margaret Dumont)
( From the film : “Animal Crackers”)


“Drink Deep” by Laura Veirs
( From the Film : “Hello I Must Be Going”)

* Thanks to Woody Allen for help with the intro….and the outro

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